Onboard Tweets - Woulda, Shoulda, but Couldn't.

Why isn’t there Wi-Fi on-board Korean Air?!? Sigh. So now I'm forced to keep a mental (and now documented) list of all the clever Tweets I would’ve otherwise posted had I been allowed. Here’s to hoping I keep them under 140 characters.

- A 14-hour flight is definitely one way to keep me from stalking Justin Timberlake all over DC today…well played, Universe. Well played.
- In the past 3 years, I’ve never gone to or from anywhere without getting my period on at least ONE leg of a flight. Thanks, Mother Nature.
- Sitting next to a Korean boy working on his super fun math homework. “Mental math question: 52 x 63 = ?”. Wtf?
- Why do planes always make me smell so weird?
- Flight attendant jokingly offered me wine. Jokingly. Who is he kidding? White wine, please. Jaw can go back up now, thanks.
- A laptop without Internet is like a Boston Crème donut without the crème. Why bother?
- #lessonlearned Become bffls with your flight crew by BEING POLITE…you might just score 4 extra chocolate brownies.
- Not sure if my flight crew thinks I’m 8 or 18…let alone my real age. Oh well. Keep the wine coming please, thanks!
- Korean boy next to me is playing Pokemon. Dude, your Squirtle is not going to beat a Pikachu. Water conducts electricity! #noob
- How are there still 8 more hours left on this flight? I can only talk to myself for so long.
- That awkward moment when it’s night time where you left and morning where you’re going…when do you sleep!?
- Chasing the sun into Asia but everyone’s windows are down. I just want to feel on top of the world.
- If I had a Nike fuel band, I’d probably kill myself over embarrassment of today’s step count.
- I might just permanently switch over to Twitter now that FB is only for engagement announcements.
- Flight crews are not thanked nearly as much as they should be.
- What kind of in-flight entertainment only has ONE episode of Friends!?

Dad's Life Lessons

As some of you may know, I am currently en route to Hanoi, Vietnam to offer surge capacity to our organization’s delegation office based there…for three months. Now, a lot of preparation has obviously gone into this, but I think the most valuable words of wisdom came from my dad this morning. He offered me two stories to carry with me:

1. Don’t pay attention to the barking dogs. As you walk along the streets in India (or really any animal unregulated city these days) you see plenty of dogs, wandering aimlessly without collars or anyone looking after them. They bark at the passersby, trying to intimidate them and start a rouse. Dad reminded me that these dogs have literally nothing better to do with their lives than to torment those who are walking by and getting where they are going. Focus on your goal and where you want to be, and don’t pay the barkers any mind. They’re trying to rattle you, but it’s your choice as to whether or not you let them.

2. Don’t throw rocks at cow poop. This one’s a little weird. But again, in India, as cows are seemingly sacred in some parts, they’re allowed to do whatever the F they want, whenever they want – which includes taking dumps in broad daylight in the middle of the street. Again, as much as the smell might nauseate and distract you, keep walking. Don’t go and throw rocks at the cow poop (I don’t know why anyone would do this anyway) because the moment the rock hits the crap, it’ll cause the crap to then splash on you too. So, leave the little shits alone, hold your head up high, plug your nose if you have to, and keep chugging along.

These stories have less to do with what I’m professionally going through, and a lot more with what’s going on personally, so please don’t think my work place is full of barking dogs and cows pooping all over the place. He just wanted to stress to me that I need to focus on my goals, regardless of what everyone else is doing around me. People are going to try to bring you down in life, or distract or intimidate you, but YOU are in charge of your fate – so take control.

Fatal Flaw of Online Dating

Online dating is worse than Netflix.

Actually, it’s pretty much the worst thing ever. I have no regrets about trying it for the many months that I did (especially for all the stories that have now accumulated) but it is probably the most soul-sucking, exhausting, and eventually disappointing experience I have had in a while…since probably when I didn’t win the Math Challenge 24 game in 3rd grade. (Ugh, darn you Tim McCormick for knocking me out on a TECHNICALITY!)

I digress.

The great thing about online dating is that you eventually come to terms with what you want in a relationship, and what you don’t. The worst thing is that you eventually come to terms with what you want in a relationship, and what you don’t…and you realize that it simply doesn’t exist.

My dream is to be able to smush up all of my favorite traits and talents in the guys I’ve met and create one amazing Super Man – without any of the flaws that inevitably come out. My Super Man would be the one who could sing me to sleep while strumming along on his guitar. He would be the one that always picks me up and drops me off in his spotlessly clean car that he paid for himself, refusing to let me take the Metro, not because I can’t handle it, but because he knows this way I’ll be safe. On that note, he genuinely cares about my health and safety, and is a true gentleman when it comes to walking on the outside of the sidewalk, letting the lady go first, holding doors open, etc. He would be the one who has a life plan and is successfully working towards it. He would take me to get my favorite gelato or cupcake and NOT remind me how many calories it has. He would be the one who can keep me at Vapiano’s until midnight, talking about anything and everything under the sun, both of us not even noticing where the time went until the restaurant emptied and a waiter came over to remind us. He could be a Ravens fan, and if not, at least respectful of my team, as I would be of his. He would be the one who could make me smile or laugh through a simple text with a relevant quote from The Office or Mean Girls. He wouldn’t mind watching Pitch Perfect again, even if it’s his 10th time, just because he knows it’s my favorite movie. He would know how to make a plan and stick to it, none of this “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” nonsense. If I’m sick or not feeling well, he’d find a way to make it better. He’s witty and smart and clever and confident, but strong and purposeful with his words and actions – like Batman. He wouldn’t get intimidated if I told him I could kick his ass at any sport – he’d go along with it and let me have my fun, both of us full well knowing that’s next to nearly impossible. He doesn’t lie about his height. He takes care of his health, goes to the gym, and doesn’t mind showering at least once a day. He’s independent and doesn’t need me to complete him, but rather complement him. And the most important thing of all, he’s SUPPORTIVE of my career, aspirations, and ambitions and is not a belittling douchelord. He realizes that I may not have my life completely together (who does?) yet he knows that I could totally single-handedly rule the world if I wanted to…but I would just rather choose to rule it with him.

To tell you the truth, the majority of these traits and talents had an owner (several, to be honest). But the one who carried most was fantastic. Yet, sadly he moved away and although that ended awkwardly and terribly sadly, the good thing is that I know these qualities exist in men – they’re real. Maybe not all of them in one person, but there’s hope in life. I just need to be patient. Online dating was a fun way to get a feel for what all is out there. Unfortunately, this isn’t a gelato shop – we can’t pick and choose our flavors and what toppings we want and in what size and when we want them. Instead though, we can learn to accept new flavors and toppings and sizes and combinations. I’m taking a break from the online dating scene while in Vietnam over the next three months, and perhaps when I come back things will be different. And with that knowledge in mind, I persevere onwards, knowing Mr. Right may not be right around the corner, but he’s out there…in the meantime, starting a new chapter in Vietnam!